So you’ve made it into the stadium and you are now stepping onto the
playing field for your first day of practice with the Dallas Cowboys.
Nervous excitement courses through your veins as the coach talks about
the various formations he is going to run the team through and begins
to discuss the different play calls and strategies he will be using
during this season’s games.
While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within the realm
of football common sense and comes easily to you, there are a few nuances
in the game plan that you will be unfamiliar with. Also, some of the
plays are new to you and could cause complications and confusion in
the season ahead if you don’t understand them.
A team’s language will guide you in how to interact and communicate
with your teammates on the playing field. This language that each player
must learn is full of individual components, called the “plays.” For
each “play,” there is a “plan.” Each of these “plays” and “plans” has
been specially formulated through years of research and scientific study,
producing entire systems of proven techniques that can make winners
out of the players and teams.
Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered together
and worked into a playbook for each team to base its “plays” and “plans”
on. It is that playbook that each teammate must learn in order to be
part of the winning team. This process is much the same as that of the
“plays” and “plans” of a relationship. You need to read the manual,
learn from those who are already where you want to be in their relationships
and listen actively to your partner in order to learn how to speak their
language. Once you learn this language, you can enter the game confidently
and achieve victory!
A woman’s perception of her relationship, as well as the language she
uses within a relationship may seem very complicated, and sometimes
confusing. You may find particular things in her language syntax that
are hard to understand and certainly difficult to interpret! And as
if that weren’t enough, many women have a tendency to turn over and
over in their heads most of what is said to them, finding more than
what may actually be there.
While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing things, women
try to find out what’s behind the words they see and hear when dealing
with their loved ones. This process is intuitively part of their naturally
protective circuitry, helping them emotionally guard themselves and
their loved ones. Have you ever heard the statement, “You don’t want
to mess with Mother Bear?” This applies here because women are built
as nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about their environment,
in order to help them protect themselves and those they love from perceived
This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the “need to know”
gene. Women have the “need to know” or to discover all the “information”
about their surroundings and then make judgment calls as to any dangers
that may affect those they love. This of course, can lead to any number
of natural responses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings
and an inherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Because curiosity
(analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tends to bleed over
into other areas of their lives, namely their relationships.
In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women may often
have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they don’t intend to put
it there. Men are not as complicated (in a good way) with their spoken
language. What men say is most often what they mean. So, why is it that
so many women seem to include hidden messages behind their words? In
the same way that women tend to over-analyze things, sometimes they
also include hidden meaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this
can be partially found by looking at the traditional upbringing and
social history of women.
Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that they
need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They are also
told that they need to be assertive and independent in order to succeed
at fulfilling their dreams and desires for their future.
In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is much different.
Society in general, sees images of successful women on television and
in the movies that are more demure and non-aggressive, but still get
what they need and desire.
The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the man of
her dreams, may have played it “coy,” playing off on her seeming “need”
for the man. The media image presented is often in direct conflict with
the way that a woman may have been raised. Because of these two conflicting
images, women have now received mixed messages and are subjected to
confusing images about the way they should behave in society. On top
of this, women see the men around them as being intrigued and often
fascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may not always
interconnect with the ideals and values that they, as women, were brought
Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves and may
seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same time. As a
result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their true feelings
and thoughts deep within their words, all the while struggling to achieve
the final goal of communicating their needs or “message” to those that
participate in their lives.
Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and react
to each other as well as how we communicate with other people. Another
huge factor in our character make-up is the individual chemistry that
everyone is born with. While much has been said about how different
the sexes are, how much do we actually know? The facts show that men
and women are conceived equally in terms of their overall intelligence.
However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of pregnancy,
there is a testosterone wash that flows over the brain of a male baby.
i This wash does not take place during the formation of a female baby.
Let’s take a look at how the brain works and try to understand why this
is so important.
Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the brain to manufacture
and create serotonin, which is an important neurotransmitter in the
brain, causing certain nerve cells in the brain to activate and become
livelier. Serotonin can also act as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters
can act as both an exciter and an inhibitor. Serotonin affects the brain’s
interior, known as the ganglia.
The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided into two
cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe that one of these
cells makes serotonin and the other produces dopamine.
Dopamine is “a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain and is
essential to the normal functioning of the central nervous system. ii”
Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the ganglia, thereby causing a calming
effect and dampening activity.
It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance between
the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the amount of serotonin
and dopamine that the brain’s network will use. This also determines
how spatially or temporally aware a person is, with men being born more
spatially aware and women more temporally aware. A person who is spatially
aware is generally a left-brain individual and someone who is temporally
aware, is generally a right-brain individual.
The word “spatial” is defined as “relating to space. iii” As men are
generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better at judging distances,
which comes in handy during parallel parking! The word “temporal,” meanwhile,
is defined as being “of or limited by time. iv This may explain why
women seem to be able to associate time and events without much difficulty.
You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing that really
bothers men about women — she remembers everything she thinks you have
done wrong and when you did it! I believe this is due in part because
of a woman’s propensity for temporal awareness.
Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more “left- brain”
oriented and women rely more readily on the “right-brain.” “Left-brain”
individuals tend to be more interested in facts, inclined to logic and
reason. They are more motivated in providing for the home and usually
more interested in becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist.
These are just a few career choices that a “left-brain” individual might
A “right-brain” individual tends to be better at, and more interested
in, developing relationships and dealing with emotional issues. They
are more inclined to emotions and passions and are generally more motivated
by investing in the relationships of the home. Their career choices
tend to put them in the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they
can use their artistic, investigative and research abilities.
This is in contrast to the general tendencies of “left-brained” individual.
Again, a clearer picture begins to be revealed when we look at the differences
between the sexes in this light. Most men might find a leisurely reading
of Popular Mechanics or Programmer’s Security Desk Reference fundamentally
more interesting than reading Ladies Home Journal or Parent Child Magazine,
while women are just the opposite.
This is simply a matter of one’s interest and NOT an intellectual issue,
as both men and women can be motivated for various reasons to read on
all the subjects mentioned. Remember that both sexes are born equally
in terms of intelligence.
My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see women’s
thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I thought that this
insight was a great example of men conquering and women looking for
sequence and order before they tackle the matter at hand.
Here’s what he had to say: “Men rule by action. Women rule by committee.
For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees hill, forms discussion
group, sets up hill climbing committee, votes for hill climbing team,
schedules climb date, checks rain fall charts, does studies to locate
best path, sends out scouts, and much, much, much, much later… finally
climbs the hill.”
The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition at birth.
The things we experience each day, the lessons that we are taught as
we move through our daily lives and the personal choices we make along
the way will also be determining factors in how “left-brain” or “right-brain”
we become. These factors will also directly affect our communication
with and relationship to others.
The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make personal
choices, we can learn to hear and understand each other’s language when
we step onto the playing field to begin practice! “Your hands made me
and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.” Psalms
Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will need
to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice if you want
to make it to your first game.
Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of Winning Points with the Woman
in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time and The Indie Guide to Music, Marketing
and Money. Book Jaci for your next show:
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